Chapter 12 - THE FOUR ADULTS WHO FAILED AVA
The most difficult conversation happened at Beth’s apartment.
Ryan.
Claire.
Beth.
And Claire’s attorney nearby, at her request.
Ava was not present.
Beth did not want her listening to adults dismantle the story of her life.
Beth began with Claire.
“You should have called me when you panicked.”
Claire nodded.
“Yes.”
“You should have returned Ava.”
“Yes.”
“You should never have told Ethan to keep her secret.”
Claire’s voice cracked.
“I know.”
Beth’s anger softened only slightly.
Then she turned to Ryan.
“And you.”
Ryan looked up.
“Sarah tried to tell you she might be pregnant.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You could have known.”
He did not argue.
Beth continued.
“She was terrified you’d call her dramatic.”
Ryan looked down.
“She had reason to think that.”
“Yes.”
Then Beth pointed toward herself.
“And I waited six months after Sarah died before pushing harder because I was overwhelmed and because Claire seemed helpful.”
She rubbed both hands over her face.
“I let convenience become trust.”
Nobody escaped the room clean.
Claire finally spoke.
“I thought if Ryan met Ava, I would lose my marriage.”
Ryan looked at her.
“Were you afraid I'd choose Ava over you?”
“Yes.”
“That was never the choice.”
“I know that now.”
Beth interrupted.
“No. You know it intellectually.”
Claire looked at her.
Beth continued.
“Ava is not a woman competing for Ryan. She is not proof that your family failed. She is a child.”
Claire’s face collapsed.
“I know.”
This time the words sounded different.
Ryan asked:
“Why did Ava call me Daddy through the vent?”
Beth answered.
“Sarah always called you her father. She showed Ava pictures.”
Claire added quietly:
“I also told her.”
Ryan stared.
“When?”
“The first afternoon she came to our house.”
“Why?”
Claire looked ashamed.
“Because she asked whether you were nice.”
Ryan could barely speak.
“What did you say?”
Claire’s eyes filled.
“I said yes.”
That hurt more than hatred would have.
Claire believed he could be a good father.
She simply had not trusted him with the chance.
Beth stood.
The conversation was over.
At the door she told Claire:
“I don’t need you to convince me you’re sorry.”
Claire nodded.
Beth continued.
“I need you to stop making your fear everybody else’s responsibility.”
Claire closed her eyes.
May you like
“I’m trying.”
For the first time, nobody promised that trying would be enough.
