Chapter 8 - THE REASON ETHAN STILL CALLED HER MOM
Ryan assumed Ethan would stop calling Vanessa Mom immediately.
He did not.
That confused him.
During therapy, Ethan accidentally referred to her as Mom twice.
Then apologized.
Ryan finally asked:
“You don’t have to call Vanessa anything you don’t want to.”
Ethan looked at him.
“She likes it when people hear.”
Ryan swallowed.
“But do you like calling her Mom?”
Ethan thought.
“Sometimes.”
That answer surprised Ryan.
“Why?”
“Because then I feel normal.”
Ryan’s chest tightened.
Normal.
Not because Vanessa had earned the title.
Because Ethan wanted what other kids had.
A mother at pickup.
A woman signing birthday cards.
Someone beside Dad at school concerts.
Ryan had treated the word Mom like a sacred loyalty test to Emily.
Vanessa had treated it like a status symbol.
Neither had asked what it meant to Ethan.
His therapist helped him untangle it.
Calling Vanessa Mom did not erase Emily.
Calling her Vanessa did not protect Emily.
Children could hold multiple attachments without betraying anyone.
Ryan went to Emily’s grave alone.
He had not been there in months.
He stood with his hands in his jacket pockets.
“I think I made him carry my grief.”
The cemetery gave no answer.
He continued anyway.
“I kept thinking if he loved someone else like a mother, I was letting you disappear.”
He looked at Emily’s name.
“I was protecting the memory of you more than I was listening to him.”
For years Ryan thought being a good widower meant preserving.
May you like
Now he understood fatherhood sometimes required allowing life to move.
Even when grief did not.
