Chapter 9 - WHAT IT COST EL0DIE
The damage did not disappear because Vivian lost access.
Elodie began asking permission for everything.
“Can I get water?”
“Yes.”
“Can I use the bathroom?”
“Of course.”
“Can I bring Mr. Gray?”
“Always.”
Then:
“Are you sure?”
That was the hard part.
She expected permission to be withdrawn.
Dr. Meyers resumed therapy.
One session involved making a list called:
Things Kids Are Allowed to Need.
Food.
Medicine.
Comfort.
Sleep.
Help.
Parents.
Toys.
Elodie added:
“Breathing.”
I had to leave the room for a minute.
At school, she stopped visiting the nurse when her chest felt tight.
Her teacher noticed.
We had to rebuild that too.
The pediatrician explained asthma again.
Symptoms.
Triggers.
What counts as emergency.
What counts as worry.
Nobody used the word dramatic.
Then Elodie asked:
“Is Grandma mad at me?”
I answered:
“Probably.”
She started crying.
I immediately regretted the bluntness.
Then Dr. Meyers helped me try again.
“Grandma is responsible for her feelings.”
“Did I get her in trouble?”
“No.”
“She says I cry too much.”
“You cry when you need to.”
“What if she never sees me again?”
That was the first time I realized Elodie could miss someone who frightened her.
Children do not organize love into clean moral categories.
Neither do adults.
“I don’t know,” I said.
She clutched Mr. Gray.
“Do I have to decide?”
“No.”
May you like
That became our rule.
No decisions about Vivian belonged to Elodie until she felt safe enough to make them.
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