Chapter 8 - I ASKED PROFESSIONALS TO LOOK AT ME TOOThe parenting evaluation examined both households.

Mine.

Vanessa’s proposed role.

My failures.

My travel.

My reliance on staff.

My tendency to compensate for absence with gifts.

The evaluator, Dr. Matthew Klein, did not flatter me because I was wealthy.

Good.

He wrote:

Richard demonstrates strong emotional attachment to Sophie but historically delegated substantial daily caregiving responsibility and failed to independently monitor changes in behavior, nutrition, and school functioning.

Accurate.

Then:

His recent increase in involvement should not be treated as proof prior concerns are resolved.

Also accurate.

I hated reading it.

Needed to.

Sophie’s therapist found she was not generally oppositional.

She was anxious around food.

Hyperaware of adult moods.

Extremely compliant when she believed affection was at risk.

That last one terrified me.

Vanessa had not created every part of Sophie’s personality.

Sophie had always been sensitive.

Anna was too.

But Vanessa learned how to use sensitivity as leverage.

Good girls eat what they’re given.

Good girls stop crying.

Good girls don’t mention dead mothers when stepmothers are trying.

Good girls don’t tell Daddy every little thing.

Dignity became conditional.

I had helped accidentally by praising Sophie for being “easy” whenever I returned from trips.

“Were you good for Vanessa?”

I had asked that dozens of times.

Not:

Were you safe?

Not:

How did you feel?

Good.

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Children learn the test adults keep administering.

I stopped asking it.