Chapter 7 - What Noah Had Been Taught
Noah refused to talk about the fire.
He slept with the rental-house lights on.
He cried when the toaster smoked.
He began carrying his rescue inhaler from room to room despite his doctor reassuring him that his asthma remained controlled.
Rebecca arranged for Ellie to see him at a therapist’s office rather than at Mark’s rental.
When Noah saw her, he ran across the room and hugged her.
“I thought you died.”
Ellie held him.
For several minutes she forgot everything else.
Then Noah whispered, “Mom said you knew another way.”
Ellie pulled back.
“What?”
“Outside.”
“Mom told you that?”
He nodded.
“When?”
“Before Dad took me out.”
Ellie’s stomach tightened.
Even while abandoning her, Caroline had reassured Noah that Ellie would manage.
Of course she had.
Ellie always managed.
They sat on the carpet.
Noah picked at the cuff of his navy sweatshirt.
“I didn’t want Dad to leave you.”
“I know.”
“He said you were brave.”
Ellie almost laughed.
“When?”
“In the fire.”
“What exactly did he say?”
Noah looked uncomfortable.
“He said, ‘Ellie knows what to do.’”
There it was again.
The sentence that had excused everything.
Ellie knows what to do.
Ellie can handle it.
Ellie understands.
Ellie is older.
Ellie is stronger.
“What did they tell you during fire drills?”
Noah shrugged.
“Find Dad.”
“And then?”
“Dad gets me.”
“What about me?”
He looked genuinely confused.
“You get out.”
“By myself?”
“I guess.”
Ellie turned toward the therapist.
The woman did not interrupt.
Noah suddenly said, “I thought that was because you were better at stuff.”
Ellie’s anger softened.
This was not Noah’s fault.
He had simply learned the family system from the adults who built it.
“Did Mom ever tell you we could only save one?”
“No.”
“Before the fire?”
“No.”
He thought for a moment.
“Dad did say something once.”
Ellie waited.
“When Grandma asked why you had to help yourself during drills.”
“What did he say?”
Noah looked toward the door.
“He said, ‘If we waste time treating Ellie like she’s helpless, we could lose Noah.’”
Ellie stopped breathing for a second.
The therapist gently asked when Noah remembered hearing that.
“Last Christmas.”
Nearly eleven months before the fire.
May you like
This had not begun with one damaged mask.
It had become a philosophy.
