Chapter 5 - What Emily Had Tried to Say
On Emily’s fifth day in treatment, she slept six uninterrupted hours.
When she woke, she cried because she could not remember the last time that had happened.
Her thinking became clearer over the next several days.
Not instantly.
Not neatly.
She still lost track of conversations.
She still became frightened when she heard a baby crying somewhere on the unit television.
But she could begin separating what she had believed from what had actually happened.
Sarah visited every afternoon.
On Wednesday, Emily asked for a notebook.
“I need to write things down before I convince myself I imagined them.”
Sarah gave her one.
Emily began making a timeline.
Noah born June 28.
Home July 1.
Doula came July 2 and 3.
Then stopped.
Sarah blocked from building July 5.
Mother blocked July 8.
First night Emily remembered hearing Noah cry when he was asleep: July 11.
First time Emily told Owen she was frightened by her own thoughts: July 13.
Sarah stared at the date.
“What did he say?”
Emily swallowed.
“He said not to tell anybody yet.”
“Why?”
“He thought they’d overreact.”
“Did you want to tell your doctor?”
“Yes.”
“Did you?”
“I tried.”
Emily turned the page.
At Noah’s two-week pediatric appointment, Emily had begun crying while answering a postpartum screening questionnaire.
Owen had taken Noah while she went to the restroom.
When she returned, the nurse told her Owen had finished giving the family history.
“I thought that was normal.”
Sarah said nothing.
Emily continued.
“A few days later the office called. Owen answered.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me they said everything looked fine.”
Sarah asked Emily to authorize release of her own relevant medical records to herself.
Two days later, the chart showed something different.
The pediatrician had documented concern.
Mother tearful. Reports severe fatigue. Recommend immediate contact with OB/mental health provider and additional adult support overnight.
Below it:
Father reports mother obtaining 5–6 total hours sleep and has substantial family support.
Sarah stared at the note.
Five to six hours.
Family support.
Neither had been true.
Emily’s face changed as she read.
“He told them that?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
Emily rubbed her forehead.
Then another memory surfaced.
Three weeks after Noah’s birth, Emily had told Owen she wanted to take the baby to Sarah’s apartment for two nights.
“He got really scared.”
“Angry?”
“No.”
Emily thought.
“Scared.”
“Of what?”
“He said if I left with Noah while I was ‘acting unstable,’ someone could make it into a custody issue.”
Sarah felt something inside her sharpen.
“Custody?”
Emily nodded slowly.
“I thought he was just panicking.”
“Had you two talked about separating?”
Emily stopped moving.
Sarah saw the answer before she spoke.
May you like
“Before Noah was born,” Emily whispered.
And suddenly Owen’s obsession with who could see Emily no longer looked only like misguided protection.
