Chapter 11 - RUBY DIDN’T CARE ABOUT THE FAMILY EXPLANATIONRuby’s eye healed.
Slowly.
At first, she hated anyone approaching from her left side.
She refused chocolate cake.
She stopped sitting at the kitchen table in my parents’ house because she never returned there.
At home, she started eating at the breakfast bar instead of our table.
I let her.
Her therapist told me not to turn recovery into another performance she had to succeed at.
So I stopped saying:
You’re so brave.
I started saying:
You can take your time.
There is a difference.
One afternoon Ruby asked:
“Is Aunt Vanessa bad?”
I hated the question.
Children want people sorted.
Good.
Bad.
Safe.
Dangerous.
Adults know the categories leak.
I said:
“Aunt Vanessa did something very bad and unsafe.”
“Is Grandma bad?”
My throat tightened.
“Grandma made choices that weren’t safe either.”
Ruby considered that.
“She didn’t hit me.”
“No.”
“She didn’t stop her.”
“No.”
Ruby nodded.
That was enough for her.
She did not care about Helen’s childhood guilt.
Did not care why Vanessa became volatile.
Did not care about family roles.
Those explanations mattered for adults trying to prevent repetition.
They did not belong on a six-year-old’s shoulders.
I realized I had spent too much of my own childhood carrying explanations for Vanessa.
Ruby would not.
May you like
That became another rule.
No adult would ask Ruby to understand why somebody hurt her before that adult fully understood that the hurting was wrong.
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