Chapter 3 - THE NIGHT ETHAN STOPPED APOLOGIZING
Arthur ordered takeout because he discovered the refrigerator was full of food he didn’t know how to cook.
Maya wanted buttered noodles.
Ethan wanted a cheeseburger.
Arthur ordered both.
Nobody ate much.
The house felt different without Vanessa.
Not peaceful.
Uncertain.
At 8:40, Arthur told Ethan it was bedtime.
Ethan immediately said:
“Sorry.”
Arthur stopped.
“For what?”
Ethan looked confused.
“Being up.”
“You’re eight.”
“I know.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
Ethan shrugged.
Arthur had begun recognizing that shrug.
It meant the child was calculating whether the truth was safe.
“Vanessa says you get mad when we make bedtime hard.”
“I get tired.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“No.”
Ethan studied him.
Arthur sat beside him on the sofa.
“Did I tell you that?”
“No.”
“Then why did you believe her?”
Ethan’s answer came without hesitation.
“Because she knows what you think.”
Arthur had no response.
Maya climbed onto the couch with her recovered rabbit.
One ear had torn during Vanessa’s throw.
She held it up.
“Mommy fixed him before.”
Claire had stitched that rabbit at least six times.
Arthur remembered teasing her about it.
Claire always answered:
He’s Maya’s guy. You don’t abandon your guy because he’s falling apart.
Arthur looked away.
After putting Maya to bed, he returned to Claire’s studio.
Ethan followed.
Arthur opened more letters.
Several were never sealed.
Some were crumpled.
One said:
Dad, can I live with Grandma June?
Arthur looked up.
June Callahan was Claire’s mother in Petaluma.
“You wanted to move to Grandma’s?”
Ethan nodded.
“Why didn’t you ask me?”
“I did.”
“When?”
“The Tahoe dinner.”
Arthur remembered the trip.
Christmas at his sister Meredith’s vacation house.
Twelve relatives around a long table.
Ethan had announced that he wanted to spend the rest of winter break with June.
Vanessa laughed.
Not cruelly, Arthur had thought.
Lightly.
“Your grandmother doesn’t need a permanent houseguest.”
Several relatives laughed too.
Arthur had been embarrassed by Ethan’s timing.
He told him:
Not at the table.
Conversation moved on.
Now Ethan said:
“Afterward Vanessa told me you were embarrassed because I was trying to get rid of her.”
Arthur shut his eyes.
That humiliation had happened in front of everyone.
And Arthur had helped create it by remaining silent.
Ethan continued:
“So I stopped asking.”
Not one dinner.
Not one comment.
A pattern.
Arthur reached for his son.
Then stopped.
“Can I hug you?”
Ethan looked surprised.
After a moment, he nodded.
Arthur held him.
“I’m sorry.”
Ethan’s body stiffened.
Arthur released him slightly.
“What?”
Ethan looked toward the studio door.
“She says adults only apologize when they want kids to stop talking about something.”
Arthur felt sick.
He sat back.
“Then I won’t ask you to stop talking.”
Ethan studied him.
“Even if it’s bad?”
“Especially then.”
May you like
Ethan looked toward another box.
“There’s worse stuff.”
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