Chapter 11 - The Daughter Who Heard Enough
Mark did not realize Lily had followed Erin into the hallway until it was too late.
He had returned from Vanessa’s apartment and told Erin what the planner revealed.
They thought Lily was upstairs.
She wasn’t.
“So she knew Mom was going to die?”
Mark turned.
Lily stood near the stairs.
Her face had gone expressionless in the way children sometimes protected themselves when crying felt too exposing.
“Lily—”
“Vanessa knew?”
“Yes.”
“And she wanted to be here after?”
Mark searched for an answer that was true without being cruel.
“I think she imagined a future with me.”
“Before Mom died.”
“Yes.”
Lily looked down.
Then up.
“And you did too?”
The question was quieter.
Harder.
Mark could have separated thought from action.
He could have said grief was complicated.
He could have said he never wanted Claire to die.
All of those things were true.
None answered Lily.
“Sometimes,” he said. “And I’m ashamed of that.”
Lily backed toward the stairs.
Erin stepped forward.
“Sweetheart—”
“No.”
Lily looked at Mark.
“Did Mom know?”
“Yes.”
That was when Lily cried.
Not loudly.
She covered her mouth and turned away.
Mark instinctively moved toward her.
She recoiled.
“Don’t.”
He stopped immediately.
Lily went upstairs.
Her bedroom door closed.
Mark stood at the bottom of the staircase.
Erin wiped tears from her cheeks.
“You wanted honesty,” she said.
“I know.”
“It doesn’t mean she has to reward you for it.”
“I know.”
For the next four days Lily spoke to him only when necessary.
Toast or cereal.
Pickup at three.
Head hurts.
Medicine’s on the counter.
Small sentences.
Practical sentences.
At therapy on Friday, she finally told her counselor something she allowed the counselor to repeat to Mark.
“I don’t know which memories are mine and which ones adults changed.”
That sentence broke something in him more completely than anger could.
He stopped trying to persuade her that he was changing.
He began doing things she could observe.
Every box of Claire’s belongings was brought upstairs.
Nothing was displayed without Lily’s permission.
He wrote down every dollar he owed her account.
He gave Erin copies.
He showed Lily the list.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me.”
She stared at the numbers.
“What are you asking?”
“Nothing.”
That seemed to confuse her.
Mark pushed the paper closer.
“You deserve to know what happened even if knowing makes you angry with me.”
Lily looked at him for several seconds.
Then she asked the question he had been expecting eventually.
“Can I read Mom’s letter now?”
The envelope marked FOR LILY was still sealed.
Mark looked at Erin.
May you like
Then back at his daughter.
“Yes.”
